I did my fair share of partying for a little while after I could drive. I never did anything too crazy, just a little drinking here and there on the weekends. I never smoked cigarettes or did any drugs. To be quite honest, I wasn't even that wild. Once in a while, I'd go to a party, have a few shots, and enjoy myself. At the time, it never seemed like a big deal.
Eventually, there came an occasion where I went to a party but abstained from drinking. I had to get up early the next day for work, so I was just there to socialize.
This was the night when I started to entertain the idea of becoming straightedge.
I was a big fan of the local hardcore scene at the time, and had fallen in love with bands like In the Face of War, xRISENx, The Beauty Prevails, and many countless other short-lived bands. Some of the songs by these bands were very preachy, dealing with issues such as family, clean living, and friendship. For instance, one of my favorite In the Face of War songs, With Our Lives, says oh-so-strongly:
Some people say that you can't trust anyone
But we trust each other with our lives
But we trust each other with our lives
Songs like that had me hooked. I eventually became this self-proclaimed crusader of sorts, trying to better every one's lives in whatever way I could.
Now, back to the party. Like I said, I went to this party sober, and what I saw was, quite simply, disgusting. I saw nice girls dancing naked, I saw guys taking advantage of these girls; guys that I normally would have written off as upstanding gentlemen. People were living in hedonism, without regard for any kind of consequence.
I did not drink for six years after that night. I decided right then and there that I needed to live to a higher purpose, a calling. I wanted to be the beacon of clarity and purity in the sea of hedonism I saw before me. So that's what I decided to be.
I soon started telling people i was straightedge, and not a lot of people in Tipton, Indiana knew what that meant. So then I'd have to give everyone the whole "I don't drink, do drugs, or have promiscuous sex" spiel, which I was totally fine with. I got mixed reactions. Some people were impressed, some were annoyed. One of my best friends went as far as to make fun of me. He would always call me "Mr. Straightedge" and claim I was just doing it for attention.
Ironically enough, just a few short weeks after I claimed edge, he decided to do the same. He and I, both named Jake, became the two outspoken straightedge kids at Tipton High School. We would do everything in our power to let everyone around us know about us being edge. We would draw X's on our hands with sharpies, we would wear the straightedge shirts with the catchy little slogans such as "Straight Fucking Edge" and "Even In Death" and all that pretentious bullshit. But hey, we were proud of ourselves, and anyone that is proud of something they do will let the world know about it.
For the next six years, I was as outspoken as anyone could be about straightedge. I was in a hardcore band in high school called Left in Ruins, and as the vocalist, I would often write songs about my ideals. Take, for instance, the song Run Tomorrow, in which I would yell incoherently about how friends and family come first, and despite whatever we might have done in the past, we can always "...forget yesterday, live for now, we can always run tomorrow...".
I got more involved in the straightedge ideals as time passed. I gave up caffeine, even chocolate, since it has trace elements of caffeine in it. I even tried to be a vegan for a while, which ended in me losing too much weight way too fast. I dropped about 25 pounds for wrestling in two weeks. Granted, I was working out four hours a day and doing everything I could to drop as many pounds as quickly as possible. But even after the weight-cut, I felt awful. I started eating lean meats, and voila, suddenly I felt a lot better. Some people just aren't meant to not eat meat.
After a couple years, I even went as far as to stop taking any kind of medication. I relied on herbal remedies and other bullshit means of curing ailments. For someone with chronic migraines, this does not spell any kind of success. At one point, I got what I thought to be a sinus infection. I started taking this natural nasal spray made from grapefruit seed extract. It seemed to work for a while, but when my symptoms kept getitng worse, I finally went to a doctor. What I thought was a simple head cold or sinus infection turned out to be pinkeye, and some other kind of infection that had spread to my sinuses, throat, and lungs. The doctor told me that, had I come a day or two later, I would have been permanently blind. I have no idea if pinkeye can make you blind, but that shit is scary, nonetheless.
After I turned 18, I started getting tattooed. Of course some of the tattoos I would get were either blatantly straightedge tattoos or had some kind of edge influence. I still have all of my straightedge tattoos, and I plan on keeping them.
After I graduated high school, I went to college at Ball State University. I was still the same outspoken asshole as before, but my audience increased from a few hundred classmates to a few thousand. Anytime I was invited to a party, one of a few things would happen. Sometimes I would be so against the idea I would just reject any kind of invitation. Other times, I would go to the party and try to have fun, only to end up resenting everyone there for their hedonism. I would of course leave angry, sometimes making a scene or almost getting into a fight.
At one such party, a friend's roommate berated my friends and I for not drinking.
"You guys aren't drinking? That's fucking sad."- friend's roommate
"You know what man? Back the fuck up. I didn't come here to give you shit for being a hedonist faggot piece of shit, so don't step on my goddamn toes for having some goddamn morals. If you want to talk shit, you'd better have some fight to back it up, because I swear to fucking God I will kill you." -good old me
Like I said, I took things pretty seriously back then. I of course apologized for my actions, which was really wasted breath. The other guy couldn't even recall the altercation.
And that's how I lived my life for six years. In trying to make peace within myself, I only found turmoil. I am not sure why. I should have just been more laid back, let people make their own choices while I, in turn, made mine. I got so preachy I almost pushed a lot of my best friends away. Some of my friends saw my actions as extremely noble and would often tell me how much of a positive influence on their lives I was. While this would make me feel good and feel like I was doing something right, it would also stoke the flames of my outrage with the non-edge world we live in.
It wasn't until 2008 that I started to think that maybe, just maybe, I might be changing.
Now, back to the party. Like I said, I went to this party sober, and what I saw was, quite simply, disgusting. I saw nice girls dancing naked, I saw guys taking advantage of these girls; guys that I normally would have written off as upstanding gentlemen. People were living in hedonism, without regard for any kind of consequence.
I did not drink for six years after that night. I decided right then and there that I needed to live to a higher purpose, a calling. I wanted to be the beacon of clarity and purity in the sea of hedonism I saw before me. So that's what I decided to be.
I soon started telling people i was straightedge, and not a lot of people in Tipton, Indiana knew what that meant. So then I'd have to give everyone the whole "I don't drink, do drugs, or have promiscuous sex" spiel, which I was totally fine with. I got mixed reactions. Some people were impressed, some were annoyed. One of my best friends went as far as to make fun of me. He would always call me "Mr. Straightedge" and claim I was just doing it for attention.
Ironically enough, just a few short weeks after I claimed edge, he decided to do the same. He and I, both named Jake, became the two outspoken straightedge kids at Tipton High School. We would do everything in our power to let everyone around us know about us being edge. We would draw X's on our hands with sharpies, we would wear the straightedge shirts with the catchy little slogans such as "Straight Fucking Edge" and "Even In Death" and all that pretentious bullshit. But hey, we were proud of ourselves, and anyone that is proud of something they do will let the world know about it.
For the next six years, I was as outspoken as anyone could be about straightedge. I was in a hardcore band in high school called Left in Ruins, and as the vocalist, I would often write songs about my ideals. Take, for instance, the song Run Tomorrow, in which I would yell incoherently about how friends and family come first, and despite whatever we might have done in the past, we can always "...forget yesterday, live for now, we can always run tomorrow...".
I got more involved in the straightedge ideals as time passed. I gave up caffeine, even chocolate, since it has trace elements of caffeine in it. I even tried to be a vegan for a while, which ended in me losing too much weight way too fast. I dropped about 25 pounds for wrestling in two weeks. Granted, I was working out four hours a day and doing everything I could to drop as many pounds as quickly as possible. But even after the weight-cut, I felt awful. I started eating lean meats, and voila, suddenly I felt a lot better. Some people just aren't meant to not eat meat.
After a couple years, I even went as far as to stop taking any kind of medication. I relied on herbal remedies and other bullshit means of curing ailments. For someone with chronic migraines, this does not spell any kind of success. At one point, I got what I thought to be a sinus infection. I started taking this natural nasal spray made from grapefruit seed extract. It seemed to work for a while, but when my symptoms kept getitng worse, I finally went to a doctor. What I thought was a simple head cold or sinus infection turned out to be pinkeye, and some other kind of infection that had spread to my sinuses, throat, and lungs. The doctor told me that, had I come a day or two later, I would have been permanently blind. I have no idea if pinkeye can make you blind, but that shit is scary, nonetheless.
After I turned 18, I started getting tattooed. Of course some of the tattoos I would get were either blatantly straightedge tattoos or had some kind of edge influence. I still have all of my straightedge tattoos, and I plan on keeping them.
After I graduated high school, I went to college at Ball State University. I was still the same outspoken asshole as before, but my audience increased from a few hundred classmates to a few thousand. Anytime I was invited to a party, one of a few things would happen. Sometimes I would be so against the idea I would just reject any kind of invitation. Other times, I would go to the party and try to have fun, only to end up resenting everyone there for their hedonism. I would of course leave angry, sometimes making a scene or almost getting into a fight.
At one such party, a friend's roommate berated my friends and I for not drinking.
"You guys aren't drinking? That's fucking sad."- friend's roommate
"You know what man? Back the fuck up. I didn't come here to give you shit for being a hedonist faggot piece of shit, so don't step on my goddamn toes for having some goddamn morals. If you want to talk shit, you'd better have some fight to back it up, because I swear to fucking God I will kill you." -good old me
Like I said, I took things pretty seriously back then. I of course apologized for my actions, which was really wasted breath. The other guy couldn't even recall the altercation.
And that's how I lived my life for six years. In trying to make peace within myself, I only found turmoil. I am not sure why. I should have just been more laid back, let people make their own choices while I, in turn, made mine. I got so preachy I almost pushed a lot of my best friends away. Some of my friends saw my actions as extremely noble and would often tell me how much of a positive influence on their lives I was. While this would make me feel good and feel like I was doing something right, it would also stoke the flames of my outrage with the non-edge world we live in.
It wasn't until 2008 that I started to think that maybe, just maybe, I might be changing.
